‘Travellers through the darkness, Hel is imminent, please take your seats.’ A hush falls over the room, the stage is lit, and our audience waits patiently to join Hel Cabaret’s Coven of Sins.

Before last Thursday, my entire experience of Burlesque came from the movie of the same name, featuring Christina Aguilera and Cher. That had been enough to spark interest at sixteen. Now, quite a bit older, I decided it was about time to experience this for myself. 

Hel Cabaret’s advertisement came up on my Instagram. Burlesque, Gore and Heavy Metal? As with every show I go to, the response was: ‘Sounds Odd. I’m in!’

After this, I made my way to La Belle Angele, Edinburgh, to see for myself what the show would be like.

Image Credit: Hel Cabaret Instagram / @sly_n_foxy

There was not a person in that audience who wasn’t enthralled for the entirety of the show. From human sacrifice as the opening act (the formidable Selenia Castle, Gypsy Charms and Melon, plus an extra) through various thematically relevant acts and the fantastically vibrant commentary of the host, Abaddon AllHope.

I can honestly say there was never a dull moment. We, the audience, are encouraged to whoop and clap when we see something we find impressive or hot, and believe you me, there’s a lot to be impressed by. 

Every single one of the acts was fantastic, but I would like to share with you a few of my favourites. 

The sheer physicality of these women is astounding. In particular, Sweaty Jessie and Rosé Tralee, whose performance was introduced as ‘Representing Lust’. They definitely succeed there. I have never seen two people so intertwined on stage and whilst pole dancing to boot! Plus, the song for the performance was Vana’s Beg, a particular favourite of mine. I don’t think I took a breath for the entirety of the performance.

Image Credit: Hel Cabaret Via Instagram

By far the most outrageous, and I mean that in a complimentary way, performance of the night was Melon’s stunning duet with Baphomet. I can now honestly say I have seen Pole Goat Cunnilingus, and I believe my life is richer for it.

Wherever I go, I am haunted by Frank Herbert. Last year, I participated in a form of self-torment by trying to make it through the Dune novels. I got up to the start of book six, where I quickly gave up. Everywhere I go, I see his face. Abaddon AllHope’s Bene Gesserit-themed performance may be the best thing to come out of that man’s legacy. 

The swinging censor was particularly hypnotic, and the song choice, Pray to Me by DeathbyRomy, worked well with the Bene Gesserit’s pseudo-religious nature. As both a nerd and a metalhead, I was very impressed.

The show ends the way it begins, with human sacrifice – this time with a truly monumental amount of fake blood. This is what a finale should look like. Selenia Castle and White-Hot Blonde spilt so much blood that it took the crew almost ten minutes to clean up, but both performers looked phenomenal while doing so. 

Image Credit: Pictures in Blood / Hel Cabaret Website

I’m unable to mention every performance or act in the show, and for that, I am truly sorry. Each and every person on that stage killed, sometimes quite literally, they put their full heart and ass into this show. 

Heavy-Metal-Horror Burlesque was not on my 2025 bingo card as being the highlight of the year so far, but I am the furthest thing from disappointed. This is going to be hard to top. 

Hel Cabaret returns for the Edinburgh Fringe with two performances, August 5th and August 21st. Select members will also be in attendance at The Uncensored Market on June 7th. If anything I have written piques your interest, and it should, I hope to see you there.

You can keep up with Hel Cabaret through their social media, @helcabaret or via their website, http://www.helcabaret.co.uk

Featured Image Credit: @SergioCosme / Hel Cabaret Via Instagram